[ It was just a drive across the city. Sure Rin's manor was on the outskirts, but the bus only took 30 minutes. A ride on Shouhei's motorcycle should have gotten him there in 10, 15-tops. Then he could tell her. He could finally get Shouhei to shut up and stop hounding him. "Get it off your chest, San-chan, before she leaves for school." Bandou'd argued for weeks, "She probably knows, okay. I don't need to say it.' or 'I don't want to make this harder for her." or "Then she'll know I lied to her. She thinks we're dating, idiot." But he'd relented, wanting to see her one last time, even if the visit didn't end with him saying those three words.
Climbing onto the back of Shouhei's bike was the last thing he could remember when he woke up in the hospital.
The nurse had told him what happened, but nothing really sank in until a few of his comrades showed up to check on him. Apparently, he'd missed the funeral while he was laying in the hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. He'd missed apologizing to his friend's mother for putting her son in harm's way. Missed the clearing out of their shared studio apartment and the haphazard packing of his few possessions before they were moved to temporary storage at the bar.
After a few more days trapped in a hospital bed, he found himself standing in the center of a room in the apartment above the bar that Kusanagi owned. It was Totsuka's old room. One that had been empty since December when he'd been shot down by an opposing King. Kusanagi was giving Bandou a list of rules he was to comply with if he was going to be staying there. Mainly, keep out of the bar, clean up after yourself, no visitors. Bandou had absently repeated them back when he was sternly asked if he was paying attention.
---
Tonight, Bandou can't sleep. He can't lay in the bed that was meant to be Totsuka's. The next room over had been his King's. It'd be even harder to find solace there. Before he's realized it, he's left and boarded the next bus heading for the city's outskirts. The climb up the short hill to the manor is a slow one, his body aching from the lack of intensive pain killers they'd given him at the hospital. Who knows what he'll find when he finally makes it to the front door. Time's been a blur the past week. Would Rin even be here any longer, or had he missed the chance he could have taken long ago?
Bandou leans heavily against the door frame, dreading the empty result that knocking might bring him. But he has to try, for Shouhei's sake. He can't let his friend's death be for nothing.
The knocking at the door is weak, but in the quiet stillness of the night, maybe someone inside can hear it. ]
[It wasn't the sound of him knocking that alerted Rin to Bandou's presence. No, he rapped on the door much too softly for that. Instead it was the magical barriers that were set on the estate to warn her of intruders. No need to wake her. After all, Tohsaka typically keeps long night hours. Her mana peaks at 2am, after all, so she must make use of any prep time before, and the full time of, her witching hour.
He's in luck, though (could this really be called luck?) since she despite taking trips to London to settle things (dorm situations, class sign ups, and other prep work) she hasn't taken final flight for the semester. Despite how late it is, she'll still be dressed in casual clothes rather than pajamas. Today, that means a long sleeve raglan tee, a pair of shorts, and leggings underneath.
At first when she opens the door she's about to scold him, but upon seeing his injuries she's given pause.]
[ While waiting for what might be no one to answer the door, Bandou's unshaded eyes drift across the front yard of the estate. In his exhaustion he thinks that perhaps he could simply fall asleep here, curled up in the grass. He'd still be alone, but at least he'd know Rin was out there, in London. Alive and safe. But the thought is interrupted by the creak of the front door finally opening.
He turns, seeing what feels like a mirage at first. ]
...Rin?
[ Whatever she asked, he didn't process the words. Just the mere sound of her voice has him rushing forward to wrap his uninjured arm around her. The broken one aches between them as he clings tightly to her small frame. But the pain just tells him this is real, and not just a cruel dream. ]
You're still here.
[ He says it again. Then a third time. Voice wavering a bit more with each reiteration. ]
[Typically Rin would grab him by the shoulders and shove him off, but he seems incredibly vulnerable at the moment. Both physically and mentally, considering the way he repeats himself like a self-soothing chant.
Slowly she raises a hand and gently wraps her arm around Bandou to stroke his back. She's... not really sure what to do. Invite him in properly? Heal his injury?]
[ At the touch of Rin's hand, Bandou goes quiet. Even though it's hesitant, she's showing some compassion. She's allowing him to lean on her. She's there.
The silence is broken when his breath hitches. ]
I love you, Rin.
[ It's whispered shakily against her ear. ]
That's all I wanted...
[ She'll feel the collar of her shirt dampening as the tears begin to fall. ]
[The sudden confession slips through her ribs like a knife. Taking her breath away and leaving her stunned. Yet as she feels her top begin to turn wet and warm it sinks in as reality. Love? Did he really love her? She doesn't understand it. What could she actually have given him that was worth loving?
Rin was mean. She cut down his confidence, ruined his pride, and upset him on countless occasions. If anything he should hate her. Why would he come back to her? Shouldn't he have his friend who understood him better than she ever could?
But his injuries — well, they tell her enough, don't they? She can make educated guesses just as well as the next person. And the fact he's crying?]
H-hey... You should come inside proper. I can make tea.
[ He finally releases her from his hold, uninjured arm falling from her back. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, haphazardly rubbing his sleeve over his tearing eyes. The pressure against the still yet to heal cuts, stings but he doesn't seem to care. As she already said, he looks like shit. What are a few torn stitches gonna do? ]
...I'm sorry...
[ As he follows behind, he's quietly muttering the apology to himself, making it unclear who he's really directing it towards. Her? Himself? ...Shouehi? ]
[Without knowing if the apology is for her, Rin hurries to the kitchen without acknowledging it. He's allowed to roam that mansion of hers as if he lives in it (and in her heart, a part of her still believes he does).
The kettle is put on to boil. An herbal blend of chamomile and vanilla is placed into a teapot for steeping. A spoonful of honey scooped into waiting teacups above their matching saucers. Ah, and maybe a snack to eat? An easy carb should do it. To help him rest. There's a cheese danish she got at the store recently... Rin had been saving it for the morning, but plans have changed. She cuts it in half, and sets one piece on either saucer with the teacups.
Rin finds that even finding a snack and splitting it isn't enough. Not enough to fill the time it takes to boil the water. She hates waiting. In a time like this where she wants to be outwardly calm, but inwardly she's a panicked mess and overthinking everything, she wants something to do. A task to complete. A distraction.
So if he tries to follow her into the kitchen, or picks one of the rooms inside the kitchen, he'll see her leave. Power walking through the house with a look of determination on her face. Five minutes will be all it takes for her to return. With some cloth folded in her arms. He may or may not recognize it if he sees her pass by.
A set of pajamas he had left behind. A set she had kept tucked away. Even if was the type to sleep in only his boxers, she'd have insisted on a set for lounging about the house.]
[ Seems Bandou has finally shuffled his way to the kitchen table by the time the water begins to boil. The teacup and snack have been pushed to the side, not out disrespect, but to make room for him to lean down on the table top. He's buried his face into the crook of his free arm, most likely resurfacing the faded bruises that litter the right side of his face.
He's exhausted, physically, mentally. Confessing to Rin has brought him the slightest bit of relief, but not nearly enough. Really, he must look pathetic to her, laying here an utter mess. Crying, broken, helpless. He can't help wondering if he should have stayed back hom-- No, there is no home anymore. Everything that held him together has been disappearing. She's all that's left. With a heave of his shoulders he curls in on himself as much as his body will allow. ]
[When she returns the kettle is whistling. Tohsaka places the pajamas in the seat next to him that doesn't have the saucer and teacup she set out for herself. After that the kettle is pulled off the stove, and the hot water is poured carefully into the teapot for steeping. The kettle is then placed onto a cool burner of the stove before she finally returns to seat herself beside him.
Silence falls. She's unsure of what to say or how to approach him. The confession, his injuries, this terrible time of night... It leaves her with so many questions that she's unsure of where to start. Though, in the end, she does pick something. A small hand rests gently between his shoulder blades. Palm flush against the fabric of his top.]
[ The touch of her hand gets his shoulders to untense. He lifts his head from his arm just enough that he can peer up at her. The tears have stopped, but his eyes still glisten as if they might begin again at any moment. Slowly his pushes himself up right, wincing at the pain that plagues every muscle. ]
I feel like that'd be unfair to him.
[ He still hasn't said exactly what happened, but he knows Rin is smart. She could deduce something close enough to the truth without him having to come out and say it fully. ]
[Silence settles in again. Her vibrant blue eyes watching him closely as she gathers her thoughts. Her assumptions had already been in place. With each action and word he solidifies them. However he'll see how her expression sharpens. Her default, neutral expression turning just a bit judgmental before she speaks.]
That's just selfish guilt, isn't it? He wouldn't want you to suffer. Not if he was really that close to you. I had already spent most of my mana today so I can't do anything about the bigger injuries, but I can make it so that your wounds won't open back up. At the very least allow me to prevent you from bleeding on my furniture.
[ 'Selfish', huh? That describes him so perfectly right now. Or always. Not just in his reluctance to have his wound treated, but simply by being here. It was why he didn't want to come see her, despite Shouhei trying to argue the topic. That'd be selfish of him. To put pressure on her to appease his desires in their relationship. So why did he come here now? Was it really to give meaning to Shouhei's death? Or was he simply here for himself? ]
...okay...
[ Is it not also selfish for him to have her use up the remainder of her mana to heal him? But she offered so he relents, eyes lowering to where the sling holds his broken arm in place against his chest. He can at least keep that. Even if it's selfish, he feels he should hold some form of punishment for himself. ]
[If he were to argue she'd simply say it was her own selfishness that prompted her to offer. Reupholstering antique furniture in a mansion isn't cheap, after all.
Rin touches a hand to his face. He'll feel warmth begin to radiate in his body. Especially so where any open wounds begin to close. The flesh knitting itself together and sealing him up. He'll have about 15 seconds to bear with this. When her hand leaves him the skin will be tender, fresh, and pink where the cuts and gashes have been healed. Any bruises, fractures, or breaks will remain. After all, she said she was low. Perhaps in a day or two she'll be recovered enough to treat him properly, but whether that happens or not will be up to the discussion they have when she's back to full strength.]
Do you need your own bed like that? I can't imagine sharing one would be comfortable.
[ Bandou watches her face as she works, a bit of wonderment showing in his expression. Surely if he was in a healthy state of mind right now he'd find this healing power of hers to be amazingly cool. But, right now his fascination is focused on her willingness to care for him, at all.
The heat from the process is easy enough to ignore. He's used to wielding flames, after all. And any lingering pain can be dealt with. Injuries are something he's prone to. He'll manage. What's hard is thinking about her being away from him, even if it's just a room away.
He hesitates on answering, the request to stay beside her being just another selfish act. ]
It'd be better to sleep alone, but I don't want to.
[Rin sighs out the word, "idiot" before checking on the teapot. After assessing that it has steeped sufficiently, she takes a strainer and sets it on his cup. A stainless steel mesh with a handle on one end and a curved lip on the other so it settles over the teacup to catch any loose leaves that may come forth during the pour. The herbal blend has turned the tea a soft amber color that blends well with the honey she prepped the teacups with earlier.]
At least you're honest.
[More honest than she can ever claim to be. Once she finishes pouring his tea, Rin taps the strainer to get any last 'drips' from it before moving it to her cup and repeating the process over.]
[ Being called an idiot is almost comforting, in a way. A sense of normalcy. The slightest hint of smile graces his lips before his attention is drawn to the movement of her hands as she fixes the tea. ]
I'm sorry to do this to you, Rin.
[ Bandou takes care to slide the saucer back to where it'd originally been placed, not wanting to spill any of tea she'd bothered to prepare for him. He'd claim his apatite was gone if his stomach didn't out him with a loud grumble. Allowing himself to eat and drink would undoubtedly help, so he takes the pastry in hand. He's not partial to sweets, but he can't argue that it's good, especially compared to any hospital food he'd been forced to endure the past week. Before he realizes it, he's eaten it all and has taken up the tea to drink down, as well. ]
You're probably better off apologizing to yourself. A mage isn't the type of person who makes others happy.
[She's not rejecting his confession. Rin is simply being honest. Consistently she has upset him and hurt his feelings even when she didn't explicitly mean to. She's not someone like Shouhei who just accepts all his bad behavior or understands him without explanation. In fact she's likely to hurt him again and again, so... maybe she's just his stepping stone? A place to rest before moving on.
If that's the case, then perhaps he'll find someone better suited to him? For now she gently places the teapot down and settles with her hand around her own cup. Its warmth radiates into her palms pleasantly.]
[ He falls silent again, staring down into his teacup and watching the amber liquid swirl about. She's right, of course. Despite how many times she tried to convince him to move on, he'd stubbornly clung to her. He kept hoping she'd suddenly see things his way and want to let him into her world completely. But that was just another example of his selfishness. ]
[Tension winds through her muscles as his question settles in the space between them. He deserves an honest answer, but Rin really never was one for fairness. Fingers tighten around the warm porcelain as she tries finding a way to reach out to him without saying too much in turn. She doesn't want to lead him on or give him false hope. What if one day she met someone who would be ideal for continuing her family's bloodline? Or perhaps someone with the perfect wallet to balance our her unnaturally bad luck with money?
Tohsaka worries at the inside of her lip. Teeth rolling the soft flesh back and forth as she gnaws on what words she'd like to use. In the end, though... what comes out of her isn't all that well put together.]
Do you think you would be here if you didn't?
[Rude, she knows, to answer a question with a question. But she's always been much nicer to look at than she is to deal with emotionally.]
[ That gets the smallest smile to pull at his lips, if only for a moment. It's a bittersweet confession, of course. Something he wanted to accomplish, but never took the consequences of seriously. ]
You probably hate me for that. Which is fine.
[ The smile slips away as he finally focuses on the reality of the situation. ]
[She exhales that out as her shoulders slump forward. It's late, and she's giving up on her "well crafted image". Rin pushes her teacup and saucer out of the way soe she can just lean and let her top half simply collapse onto the table.]
I hate that I wasn't strong enough to convince you staying away was better. I hate the idea of bringing you into my world and disgusting you with it. I hate the idea that you latching onto me could put you in even more danger.
With everything that's happened this past month, I don't think I'm any safer here with my clan.
[ Three lives lost already. The group slowly disbanding. And with the green clan getting stronger, who knows what's to come. Still, Rin's opening up and letting her actual thoughts be known. It has him feeling a weird mixture of comfort and guilt.
After a long pause, he slides his uninjured arm across the table to rest over her hand. ]
I'll only visit Japan maybe once or twice a year. Clocktower provides dorms on campus, and I'll probably work during the summers. Leaving you at the mansion would only invite more trouble, because I wouldn't be able to keep the wards up and maintained properly with consistent traffic.
[But then there's also the logistics of getting him a ticket and figuring out how to spin him as some sort of apprentice or familiar so she can argue having him in the dorms...]
Give me time to think about it. I'll have to weigh the pros-and-cons. Taking you to London would probably be worse for you, but easier for me. But also it would be expensive and I'd have to lie to the faculty at Clocktower...
[With a sigh she picks herself up from the table top and reaches for her tea again.]
[ He'll claim her spot on the table top, curling his arm up to act as a make-do pillow. As if he wasn't a giant mess already, this is so much to think about. A cluster fuck of hope that he won't be without her and fear that he'll ruin everything for her by staying close. In this moment, he doesn't know which would hurt more, and can't manage to think of anything that would repair it.
He can feel a tightness in his chest again as he turns his head enough to peer up at her. ]
Can I stay in your bed? At least until you're ready to sleep?
[ Bandou's eyes slip shut at the soft attention to his hair. He hasn't worn his hat since the accident, due to the pressure on his scalp not helping his lingering headache. But the gentleness of her fingers is comforting. He hums pleasantly. Perhaps the first positive sound he's made in a week. Or more. ]
Thanks.
[ He sounds exhausted but truly grateful.
Making it up the stairs to her room is an entirely different story, though. It takes far too long, with more pauses to groan than he'd hope to have to take, but he eventually gets there. And it's only the injuries that keep him from falling face first onto the mattress. Instead he takes his time to lay carefully on his back so his arm can rest on his stomach without too much strain. But the blanket's been pulled up far enough to nearly cover his entire face. It's the closest he can get to the cocooned state he usually sleeps in. Plus the scent of her perfumes is comforting. He'll be out far before she joins him. ]
[In the end? Tohsaka doesn't actually do much else in the night. She cleans up the tea she made and her workshop, but that's it. Yet it still takes her about an hour or so to get back to the room. When she finds that Bandou is already out like a light, Rin quietly gets around for bed. Undoing her hair, washing her face, brushing her teeth, slipping into pajamas...
Rin will slip into bed with him. A light, spaghetti strap camisole with matching drawstring shorts as her sleep set. She slips under the covers, and settles in beside him. Side sleeping is the choice of the night. In hopes that she won't instinctively starfish out like she's used to while sleeping alone. Her only hope is that she doesn't exacerbate his issues while they sleep.
Though if she wakes up first, well... Hm. She probably won't wake up first unless his injuries and depression keep him soundly sleeping after 11am.]
[ Bandou rouses at around 10am, his eyes staring blearily at the ceiling of Rin's room until he can remember why he recognizes it. Right, he'd come knocking at her door, expecting nothing but silence to answer. But she'd been here. She welcomed him in. He looks to the side, finding her curled up beside him. It manages to bring a soft smile to his lips, despite the pain of his injuries slowly reregistering in his mind.
He'd hate to wake her early, after he's already burdened her by being here at all. So as carefully as his broken arm will allow, he sits up and manages to untangle himself from the bedding with little movement to the mattress.
When she wakes, if she explores a bit, she'll find he's found solace in her shower. Leaning against the wall, letting the hot water pour over him with little effort made to do much more. ]
[Rin... still is bad at knowing what people may want. Instead of checking on him in the bathroom, she simply hears the shower and leaves him be. Instead she'll brush her hair up into a ponytail, rinse her mouth out and wipe herself with a washcloth in another bathroom, then go to the kitchen to start breakfast.
A pot of ceylon tea is made to mix with milk. Meanwhile Rin is over the stove with cooking chopsticks in hand. A thin, runny batter crisps up before she cracks an egg over it. Scallions and sesame seeds are added before she flips the thin crepe-like structure to brush a chili garlic sauce on the cooked side. This is usually a street food, so hopefully he'll be able to get some protein in him even though he can only use one arm to eat. She'll make sure to fold it over on itself so she can wrap a portion in wax paper so he can eat it without utensils.]
[ Eventually Bandou makes his way down to the kitchen. Perhaps Rin can hear the groan he gives every few steps. While the hot water had felt nice while he was beneath it, the effort it took to dry off and dress himself again seemed to bring the aching back to every part of him.
He shuffles into the kitchen, giving her a brief greeting of 'Hey' before slumping down into one of the chairs. Whatever she's cooking smells wonderful, and he almost wishes he could use the bit of cooking instruction she'd given him to help her out. Alas, being fatigued, aching and left with only your non-dominant hand wouldn't prove to be very helpful. Even pouring the tea could result in more injuries. So, unless she has something else he can do well enough, he'll resort to simply watching while she works. ]
I don't have evaporated milk for the tea, but a little sweetener and a splash of cream should make the milk tea just fine.
[It's not long before he has a plate set before him. Resting above it is the savory crepe-style street food nicely rolled in on itself so it is easy to eat one-handed. The plate is there specifically so he can set it down and drink tea if he'd like. Rin may be shit at expressing her feelings, but she attempts to make up for it with acts of service.]
You know... I could still heal some of that for you.
[Despite all the pain, physical and mental, he's experiencing, he can't help but smile as he looks down to the meal she's prepared. The crepe all neatly folded for his ease. The attention given to making sure the tea is as close as it can be to how he likes it. The second offering of help with treating his wounds. ]
["This part of you," he says. The part of her that shouldn't exist. Tohsaka's eyes fall down to the teacup. Its preparation means that there isn't a reflection for her to stew over, but her brows form a crease all the same.]
No, keeping you here is the selfish part. You don't have to get why, but it is.
[If she were less selfish, less lonely, she would have turned him away. He could have found someone else to lean on. She could have kept being the perfect, solitary mage her sister never got the chance to be.
Like this she is dooming him to living in her world. Like this she is ruining her chance at proving she was the "right sister to keep as heir". Rin wonders... will he still think himself lucky five years down the line? Perhaps he'll come to resent her. Or ask that she wipe his memories so he can return to trying to be a part of the regular world.]
[ And he may never fully get why. Just like Rin will probably never understand why he sticks around despite their ups and downs. He'll set it aside, for now, and enjoy the food she's prepared for him. ]
If you heal my arm, won't you run yourself dry? I'll have to keep it in a sling around the guys, anyway, so they think it's still broken.
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Climbing onto the back of Shouhei's bike was the last thing he could remember when he woke up in the hospital.
The nurse had told him what happened, but nothing really sank in until a few of his comrades showed up to check on him. Apparently, he'd missed the funeral while he was laying in the hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. He'd missed apologizing to his friend's mother for putting her son in harm's way. Missed the clearing out of their shared studio apartment and the haphazard packing of his few possessions before they were moved to temporary storage at the bar.
After a few more days trapped in a hospital bed, he found himself standing in the center of a room in the apartment above the bar that Kusanagi owned. It was Totsuka's old room. One that had been empty since December when he'd been shot down by an opposing King. Kusanagi was giving Bandou a list of rules he was to comply with if he was going to be staying there. Mainly, keep out of the bar, clean up after yourself, no visitors. Bandou had absently repeated them back when he was sternly asked if he was paying attention.
---
Tonight, Bandou can't sleep. He can't lay in the bed that was meant to be Totsuka's. The next room over had been his King's. It'd be even harder to find solace there. Before he's realized it, he's left and boarded the next bus heading for the city's outskirts. The climb up the short hill to the manor is a slow one, his body aching from the lack of intensive pain killers they'd given him at the hospital. Who knows what he'll find when he finally makes it to the front door. Time's been a blur the past week. Would Rin even be here any longer, or had he missed the chance he could have taken long ago?
Bandou leans heavily against the door frame, dreading the empty result that knocking might bring him. But he has to try, for Shouhei's sake. He can't let his friend's death be for nothing.
The knocking at the door is weak, but in the quiet stillness of the night, maybe someone inside can hear it. ]
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He's in luck, though (could this really be called luck?) since she despite taking trips to London to settle things (dorm situations, class sign ups, and other prep work) she hasn't taken final flight for the semester. Despite how late it is, she'll still be dressed in casual clothes rather than pajamas. Today, that means a long sleeve raglan tee, a pair of shorts, and leggings underneath.
At first when she opens the door she's about to scold him, but upon seeing his injuries she's given pause.]
You... Why do you look like that? What happened?
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He turns, seeing what feels like a mirage at first. ]
...Rin?
[ Whatever she asked, he didn't process the words. Just the mere sound of her voice has him rushing forward to wrap his uninjured arm around her. The broken one aches between them as he clings tightly to her small frame. But the pain just tells him this is real, and not just a cruel dream. ]
You're still here.
[ He says it again. Then a third time. Voice wavering a bit more with each reiteration. ]
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[Typically Rin would grab him by the shoulders and shove him off, but he seems incredibly vulnerable at the moment. Both physically and mentally, considering the way he repeats himself like a self-soothing chant.
Slowly she raises a hand and gently wraps her arm around Bandou to stroke his back. She's... not really sure what to do. Invite him in properly? Heal his injury?]
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The silence is broken when his breath hitches. ]
I love you, Rin.
[ It's whispered shakily against her ear. ]
That's all I wanted...
[ She'll feel the collar of her shirt dampening as the tears begin to fall. ]
...just to tell you that...
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Rin was mean. She cut down his confidence, ruined his pride, and upset him on countless occasions. If anything he should hate her. Why would he come back to her? Shouldn't he have his friend who understood him better than she ever could?
But his injuries — well, they tell her enough, don't they? She can make educated guesses just as well as the next person. And the fact he's crying?]
H-hey... You should come inside proper. I can make tea.
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[ He finally releases her from his hold, uninjured arm falling from her back. He lingers in the doorway for a moment, haphazardly rubbing his sleeve over his tearing eyes. The pressure against the still yet to heal cuts, stings but he doesn't seem to care. As she already said, he looks like shit. What are a few torn stitches gonna do? ]
...I'm sorry...
[ As he follows behind, he's quietly muttering the apology to himself, making it unclear who he's really directing it towards. Her? Himself? ...Shouehi? ]
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The kettle is put on to boil. An herbal blend of chamomile and vanilla is placed into a teapot for steeping. A spoonful of honey scooped into waiting teacups above their matching saucers. Ah, and maybe a snack to eat? An easy carb should do it. To help him rest. There's a cheese danish she got at the store recently... Rin had been saving it for the morning, but plans have changed. She cuts it in half, and sets one piece on either saucer with the teacups.
Rin finds that even finding a snack and splitting it isn't enough. Not enough to fill the time it takes to boil the water. She hates waiting. In a time like this where she wants to be outwardly calm, but inwardly she's a panicked mess and overthinking everything, she wants something to do. A task to complete. A distraction.
So if he tries to follow her into the kitchen, or picks one of the rooms inside the kitchen, he'll see her leave. Power walking through the house with a look of determination on her face. Five minutes will be all it takes for her to return. With some cloth folded in her arms. He may or may not recognize it if he sees her pass by.
A set of pajamas he had left behind. A set she had kept tucked away. Even if was the type to sleep in only his boxers, she'd have insisted on a set for lounging about the house.]
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He's exhausted, physically, mentally. Confessing to Rin has brought him the slightest bit of relief, but not nearly enough. Really, he must look pathetic to her, laying here an utter mess. Crying, broken, helpless. He can't help wondering if he should have stayed back hom-- No, there is no home anymore. Everything that held him together has been disappearing. She's all that's left. With a heave of his shoulders he curls in on himself as much as his body will allow. ]
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Silence falls. She's unsure of what to say or how to approach him. The confession, his injuries, this terrible time of night... It leaves her with so many questions that she's unsure of where to start. Though, in the end, she does pick something. A small hand rests gently between his shoulder blades. Palm flush against the fabric of his top.]
Want me to heal some of that for you?
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I feel like that'd be unfair to him.
[ He still hasn't said exactly what happened, but he knows Rin is smart. She could deduce something close enough to the truth without him having to come out and say it fully. ]
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That's just selfish guilt, isn't it? He wouldn't want you to suffer. Not if he was really that close to you. I had already spent most of my mana today so I can't do anything about the bigger injuries, but I can make it so that your wounds won't open back up. At the very least allow me to prevent you from bleeding on my furniture.
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...okay...
[ Is it not also selfish for him to have her use up the remainder of her mana to heal him? But she offered so he relents, eyes lowering to where the sling holds his broken arm in place against his chest. He can at least keep that. Even if it's selfish, he feels he should hold some form of punishment for himself. ]
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Rin touches a hand to his face. He'll feel warmth begin to radiate in his body. Especially so where any open wounds begin to close. The flesh knitting itself together and sealing him up. He'll have about 15 seconds to bear with this. When her hand leaves him the skin will be tender, fresh, and pink where the cuts and gashes have been healed. Any bruises, fractures, or breaks will remain. After all, she said she was low. Perhaps in a day or two she'll be recovered enough to treat him properly, but whether that happens or not will be up to the discussion they have when she's back to full strength.]
Do you need your own bed like that? I can't imagine sharing one would be comfortable.
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The heat from the process is easy enough to ignore. He's used to wielding flames, after all. And any lingering pain can be dealt with. Injuries are something he's prone to. He'll manage. What's hard is thinking about her being away from him, even if it's just a room away.
He hesitates on answering, the request to stay beside her being just another selfish act. ]
It'd be better to sleep alone, but I don't want to.
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At least you're honest.
[More honest than she can ever claim to be. Once she finishes pouring his tea, Rin taps the strainer to get any last 'drips' from it before moving it to her cup and repeating the process over.]
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I'm sorry to do this to you, Rin.
[ Bandou takes care to slide the saucer back to where it'd originally been placed, not wanting to spill any of tea she'd bothered to prepare for him. He'd claim his apatite was gone if his stomach didn't out him with a loud grumble. Allowing himself to eat and drink would undoubtedly help, so he takes the pastry in hand. He's not partial to sweets, but he can't argue that it's good, especially compared to any hospital food he'd been forced to endure the past week. Before he realizes it, he's eaten it all and has taken up the tea to drink down, as well. ]
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[She's not rejecting his confession. Rin is simply being honest. Consistently she has upset him and hurt his feelings even when she didn't explicitly mean to. She's not someone like Shouhei who just accepts all his bad behavior or understands him without explanation. In fact she's likely to hurt him again and again, so... maybe she's just his stepping stone? A place to rest before moving on.
If that's the case, then perhaps he'll find someone better suited to him? For now she gently places the teapot down and settles with her hand around her own cup. Its warmth radiates into her palms pleasantly.]
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Did I make you happy at all?
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Tohsaka worries at the inside of her lip. Teeth rolling the soft flesh back and forth as she gnaws on what words she'd like to use. In the end, though... what comes out of her isn't all that well put together.]
Do you think you would be here if you didn't?
[Rude, she knows, to answer a question with a question. But she's always been much nicer to look at than she is to deal with emotionally.]
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You probably hate me for that. Which is fine.
[ The smile slips away as he finally focuses on the reality of the situation. ]
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[She exhales that out as her shoulders slump forward. It's late, and she's giving up on her "well crafted image". Rin pushes her teacup and saucer out of the way soe she can just lean and let her top half simply collapse onto the table.]
I hate that I wasn't strong enough to convince you staying away was better. I hate the idea of bringing you into my world and disgusting you with it. I hate the idea that you latching onto me could put you in even more danger.
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[ Three lives lost already. The group slowly disbanding. And with the green clan getting stronger, who knows what's to come. Still, Rin's opening up and letting her actual thoughts be known. It has him feeling a weird mixture of comfort and guilt.
After a long pause, he slides his uninjured arm across the table to rest over her hand. ]
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[She turns her hand over in his. Their palms together.]
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[ He doesn't think she'd throw a hypothetical at him again. Not now. Not with him so broken and vulnerable. Still, it's difficult to believe. ]
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[But then there's also the logistics of getting him a ticket and figuring out how to spin him as some sort of apprentice or familiar so she can argue having him in the dorms...]
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[ None of the options are perfect, but he's putting her before himself this time. He gives her hand a weak squeeze.]
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[With a sigh she picks herself up from the table top and reaches for her tea again.]
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He can feel a tightness in his chest again as he turns his head enough to peer up at her. ]
Can I stay in your bed? At least until you're ready to sleep?
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Sure. It won't be long, so I'll join you soon unless I get [distracted while cleaning up magecraft supplies] busy with something time-sensitive.
[Even though she implied she'd kick him out for the good of his injuries, it doesn't seem like she'll actually follow through with it.]
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Thanks.
[ He sounds exhausted but truly grateful.
Making it up the stairs to her room is an entirely different story, though. It takes far too long, with more pauses to groan than he'd hope to have to take, but he eventually gets there. And it's only the injuries that keep him from falling face first onto the mattress. Instead he takes his time to lay carefully on his back so his arm can rest on his stomach without too much strain. But the blanket's been pulled up far enough to nearly cover his entire face. It's the closest he can get to the cocooned state he usually sleeps in. Plus the scent of her perfumes is comforting. He'll be out far before she joins him. ]
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Rin will slip into bed with him. A light, spaghetti strap camisole with matching drawstring shorts as her sleep set. She slips under the covers, and settles in beside him. Side sleeping is the choice of the night. In hopes that she won't instinctively starfish out like she's used to while sleeping alone. Her only hope is that she doesn't exacerbate his issues while they sleep.
Though if she wakes up first, well... Hm. She probably won't wake up first unless his injuries and depression keep him soundly sleeping after 11am.]
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He'd hate to wake her early, after he's already burdened her by being here at all. So as carefully as his broken arm will allow, he sits up and manages to untangle himself from the bedding with little movement to the mattress.
When she wakes, if she explores a bit, she'll find he's found solace in her shower. Leaning against the wall, letting the hot water pour over him with little effort made to do much more. ]
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A pot of ceylon tea is made to mix with milk. Meanwhile Rin is over the stove with cooking chopsticks in hand. A thin, runny batter crisps up before she cracks an egg over it. Scallions and sesame seeds are added before she flips the thin crepe-like structure to brush a chili garlic sauce on the cooked side. This is usually a street food, so hopefully he'll be able to get some protein in him even though he can only use one arm to eat. She'll make sure to fold it over on itself so she can wrap a portion in wax paper so he can eat it without utensils.]
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He shuffles into the kitchen, giving her a brief greeting of 'Hey' before slumping down into one of the chairs. Whatever she's cooking smells wonderful, and he almost wishes he could use the bit of cooking instruction she'd given him to help her out. Alas, being fatigued, aching and left with only your non-dominant hand wouldn't prove to be very helpful. Even pouring the tea could result in more injuries. So, unless she has something else he can do well enough, he'll resort to simply watching while she works. ]
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[It's not long before he has a plate set before him. Resting above it is the savory crepe-style street food nicely rolled in on itself so it is easy to eat one-handed. The plate is there specifically so he can set it down and drink tea if he'd like. Rin may be shit at expressing her feelings, but she attempts to make up for it with acts of service.]
You know... I could still heal some of that for you.
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And you keep claiming you aren't a kind person.
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Have you considered how what I've done could also be selfish?
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[He picks up his crepe, but hesitates taking a bite, instead needing to take a steadying breath. He's trying not to get overly emotional again.]
It means a lot, Rin. And it feels really nice, getting to be the one who sees this part of you.
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No, keeping you here is the selfish part. You don't have to get why, but it is.
[If she were less selfish, less lonely, she would have turned him away. He could have found someone else to lean on. She could have kept being the perfect, solitary mage her sister never got the chance to be.
Like this she is dooming him to living in her world. Like this she is ruining her chance at proving she was the "right sister to keep as heir". Rin wonders... will he still think himself lucky five years down the line? Perhaps he'll come to resent her. Or ask that she wipe his memories so he can return to trying to be a part of the regular world.]
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If you heal my arm, won't you run yourself dry? I'll have to keep it in a sling around the guys, anyway, so they think it's still broken.